Life with four kids is both a blessing and a curse. It certainly has its good and bad days. Some days I watch them and I can’t help but know that I am blessed to have them in my life. Then there are those days where I just want to rip my hair out and scream; throw a childish rage because I don’t get my way. It’s selfish, really. Yesterday, was one of those days. After snow 2 days in a row following a weekend, I was definitely ready for some much needed me time.
It’s a Catch-22 at times. When they are here I want to be alone, but when they are gone, all I want is for them to be home. After they leave for school and I have the whole house to myself, I find myself getting bored without them here. The house is quiet and uneventful; there is never a dull moment when they are around.
As an introvert, having me time is the only way to keep my sanity. Me time comes when my four kids are at school for the day. I make an effort to squeeze it in when I can. I have to have some me time or I lose it. I end up fighting with my boyfriend over small trivial things; I’m yelling at the kids. It makes me feel terrible and guilty when I get that way. My whole family ends up avoiding me for a couple of days afterwards. I begin to hate myself. It’s not a pretty sight I tell you. Not pretty at all. I love these kids, but having four of them can be too much.
Being an introvert in a house with four kids is definitely not easy. It most certainly has its challenges; it also has its rewards. I’ve been through a lot and dealt with some big challenges along the way, but this family has been my biggest challenge so far. Sometimes I need to slow down and remember there is a reason I was blessed with this family and these kids. I wasn’t given anything that I can’t handle.
I often claim these kids as if they were my own, but they are not mine biologically. I get compliments from others all the time that I’m brave and [I deserve an award], but all I’m doing is just loving these kids the way they need to be loved and just being there for them. They need someone who will always be there no matter what. They need me.
As crazy and chaotic a day in this family can get, I will always be there for them. I may not have been there when they were born, but I’m not going anywhere. Like any family, it has its own good days and its bad days. I think to myself what would my life be like if I wasn’t here. Then I realize there is nowhere I would rather be. Everything is just the way it is supposed to be; I am exactly where I need to be. These need me and I need these kids.