She Should Have Said No (Trigger Warning)

** TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS MATERIALS RELATED TO SEXUAL ABUSE AND RAPE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.**

(This piece is based on true events.)

Thinking back, she remembered the time when she was 13 years old. Long days and even longer nights, that summer was a hard one. She filled her days with pain, anger and sadness. She had so many times imagined the day she would end him forever.

Late one night, she heard him calling her name. She slowly pulled back the covers and rested her feet on the cold, hard floor. She knew was about to happen and she braced herself as she went to see what he wanted. She always went to him as he did this often. As she stood in the doorway, she stopped only to realize too late she had made a mistake.

He lay naked on his bed and with a finger, beckoned her closer to where he was.

“You’re mine tonight, and you’re gonna give me what I want,” He breathed angrily. “And you ain’t getting away this time.” He pointed to the empty spot on the bed next to him. Rather than get punished, she did as she was demanded.

He grabbed her breasts and squeezed them too hard for her liking. She didn’t make any objection, but rather let him do as he pleased. It will all be over soon, she thought. He made no point to be gentle or slow about his movements tonight. He was going have her, and nothing was going to stop him. As she lay there motionless, his hands moved roughly and forcibly over her small body. His giant hands only made her look smaller.

She tried not resist and forced herself to slip away to her place. She didn’t realize he said her name and his hard slap brought her back to reality.

“I said get on top of me.” She obliged as she didn’t want to upset him again. Flashing back to the last time, she shuddered. Don’t think about last time. But the images were there. They ignored her pleading commands. Tears rolled down her face as he pushed himself inside of her and she painfully settled on top of him. He began rocking her back and forth, sliding up and down.

Again, she willed herself to slip away to her secret place; a place where he couldn’t hurt her anymore. A place where she felt safe. There was no safe place. He controlled her: mind, body and spirit. Inside her head, she screamed for him to stop; told him NO over and over again. She could’ve said no, but she didn’t.

Once more, she was thrown back to reality as he climaxed inside her, grunting as the last drops were left inside. He rolled her off of him as he moaned and grunted; a big man wasn’t as swift and limber as his leaner male counterparts.

As he slowly began to relax and catch his breath, she rolled over and curled up, beginning to weep; silently at first, then a bit louder. The connection of his fist to her face made her fall silent once more. On nights like this, it was better to be quiet. He liked the quiet.

“I went easy on you tonight.” He reached down and touched her, running his fingers over her wetness. “It could’ve been worse. Now be a good girl and go back to your room.”

As she lay in her own bed, tears streamed down her face for hours. Her last thoughts before finally tiring herself to sleep:

I should’ve said no, but no wasn’t a word men like him understood. They never understood; they only take what is not theirs.

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