She Should Have Said No (Trigger Warning)

** TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS MATERIALS RELATED TO SEXUAL ABUSE AND RAPE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.**

(This piece is based on true events.)

Thinking back, she remembered the time when she was 13 years old. Long days and even longer nights, that summer was a hard one. She filled her days with pain, anger and sadness. She had so many times imagined the day she would end him forever.

Late one night, she heard him calling her name. She slowly pulled back the covers and rested her feet on the cold, hard floor. She knew was about to happen and she braced herself as she went to see what he wanted. She always went to him as he did this often. As she stood in the doorway, she stopped only to realize too late she had made a mistake.

He lay naked on his bed and with a finger, beckoned her closer to where he was.

“You’re mine tonight, and you’re gonna give me what I want,” He breathed angrily. “And you ain’t getting away this time.” He pointed to the empty spot on the bed next to him. Rather than get punished, she did as she was demanded.

He grabbed her breasts and squeezed them too hard for her liking. She didn’t make any objection, but rather let him do as he pleased. It will all be over soon, she thought. He made no point to be gentle or slow about his movements tonight. He was going have her, and nothing was going to stop him. As she lay there motionless, his hands moved roughly and forcibly over her small body. His giant hands only made her look smaller.

She tried not resist and forced herself to slip away to her place. She didn’t realize he said her name and his hard slap brought her back to reality.

“I said get on top of me.” She obliged as she didn’t want to upset him again. Flashing back to the last time, she shuddered. Don’t think about last time. But the images were there. They ignored her pleading commands. Tears rolled down her face as he pushed himself inside of her and she painfully settled on top of him. He began rocking her back and forth, sliding up and down.

Again, she willed herself to slip away to her secret place; a place where he couldn’t hurt her anymore. A place where she felt safe. There was no safe place. He controlled her: mind, body and spirit. Inside her head, she screamed for him to stop; told him NO over and over again. She could’ve said no, but she didn’t.

Once more, she was thrown back to reality as he climaxed inside her, grunting as the last drops were left inside. He rolled her off of him as he moaned and grunted; a big man wasn’t as swift and limber as his leaner male counterparts.

As he slowly began to relax and catch his breath, she rolled over and curled up, beginning to weep; silently at first, then a bit louder. The connection of his fist to her face made her fall silent once more. On nights like this, it was better to be quiet. He liked the quiet.

“I went easy on you tonight.” He reached down and touched her, running his fingers over her wetness. “It could’ve been worse. Now be a good girl and go back to your room.”

As she lay in her own bed, tears streamed down her face for hours. Her last thoughts before finally tiring herself to sleep:

I should’ve said no, but no wasn’t a word men like him understood. They never understood; they only take what is not theirs.

Being an Introvert in a House with Four Kids

Life with four kids is both a blessing and a curse. It certainly has its good and bad days. Some days I watch them and I can’t help but know that I am blessed to have them in my life. Then there are those days where I just want to rip my hair out and scream; throw a childish rage because I don’t get my way. It’s selfish, really. Yesterday, was one of those days. After snow 2 days in a row following a weekend, I was definitely ready for some much needed me time.

It’s a Catch-22 at times. When they are here I want to be alone, but when they are gone, all I want is for them to be home. After they leave for school and I have the whole house to myself, I find myself getting bored without them here. The house is quiet and uneventful; there is never a dull moment when they are around.

As an introvert, having me time is the only way to keep my sanity. Me time comes when my four kids are at school for the day. I make an effort to squeeze it in when I can. I have to have some me time or I lose it. I end up fighting with my boyfriend over small trivial things; I’m yelling at the kids. It makes me feel terrible and guilty when I get that way. My whole family ends up avoiding me for a couple of days afterwards. I begin to hate myself. It’s not a pretty sight I tell you. Not pretty at all. I love these kids, but having four of them can be too much.

Being an introvert in a house with four kids is definitely not easy. It most certainly has its challenges; it also has its rewards. I’ve been through a lot and dealt with some big challenges along the way, but this family has been my biggest challenge so far. Sometimes I need to slow down and remember there is a reason I was blessed with this family and these kids. I wasn’t given anything that I can’t handle.

I often claim these kids as if they were my own, but they are not mine biologically. I get compliments from others all the time that I’m brave and [I deserve an award], but all I’m doing is just loving these kids the way they need to be loved and just being there for them. They need someone who will always be there no matter what. They need me.

As crazy and chaotic a day in this family can get, I will always be there for them. I may not have been there when they were born, but I’m not going anywhere. Like any family, it has its own good days and its bad days. I think to myself what would my life be like if I wasn’t here. Then I realize there is nowhere I would rather be. Everything is just the way it is supposed to be; I am exactly where I need to be. These need me and I need these kids.

Welcome!

I have had a lot many interests and passions in my life. Unfortunately, I was never able to stick to just one thing. Now I ask myself: Why? Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever settle into a decent career? Why do I keep getting bored? Burnt out?

I myself, just in my lifetime alone, wanted to be a screenwriter, editor, actor, writer, musician, singer, teacher, restaurant owner, psychologist, school counselor, and freelance transcription. I’ve also wanted to travel and join the military, all while being a full-time parent.

I recently discovered that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. People like me are what the world needs. Our ideas and innovation, with an added bonus of immense passion for every task and project we set forth to accomplish, should be an industry standard when looking for employee candidates. Unfortunately, people aren’t looking for scatter-brained, ne’er-do-gooders. Industry people want SPECIALISTS; those who are skilled in certain areas with years of experience under their belts. There is no room in a specialist society for Multipotentialites.

A multipotentialite, by definition, is an educational and psychological term referring to the ability of a person, particularly one of intellectual or artistic curiosity, to excel in two or more different fields. It can also refer to an individual whose interests span multiple fields or areas, rather than being strong in just one. Check out this link to Wikipedia to learn more on about Multipotentiality.

Are you a: Polymath, Renaissance Person, Multipotentialite, Scanner, Slasher, Generalist, Multipassionate, RP2, or Multipod?

“[T]he fact that we can’t settle on one term to describe ourselves is fitting.” ~Emilie Wapnick, Founder of PuttyLike, a Home for Multipotentialites!